


I Found My Boyfriend on eBay

by tendous_satoris



Series: The Adventures of the Nekoma Film Company Actors [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Actor!Tendou, Actor!Yamaguchi, Alternate Universe - Actors, Doctor!Hinata, Doctor!Semi, Fake/Pretend Relationship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Iwa-chan's a single pringle, M/M, Tendou speaks English bc reasons, also Semi is part French, idk why I just needed filler
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-06
Updated: 2016-09-06
Packaged: 2018-08-13 10:03:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7972810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tendous_satoris/pseuds/tendous_satoris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>‘Tendou Satori, 26-year-old bisexual actor in need of rent money from the Miyagi area.’ </i> The ad read. <i>‘If you need a fake boyfriend/partner/whatever, call XXX-XXXX. Perks: I’m hot, I can sing, I’ve got tons of funny/embarrassing stories to tell, I speak fluent English, and I’m available on short notice. Cons: I can’t cook for shit, I’m considered ‘creepy’ in some circles(including my own), I kick in my sleep, I can’t dance, and I accidentally slip into English sometimes when I'm not paying attention. Available every day this month except Sundays.’</i></p><p>“What the fuck is this?!”</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Found My Boyfriend on eBay

**Author's Note:**

> This did not turn out the way I planned, but that's okay. It still turned out fine :)

“Well, here goes nothing...” Satori muttered as he pressed the ‘enter’ button on eBay.com.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“What the ever loving fuck…”

 

‘ _Tendou Satori, 26 year old bisexual actor in need of rent money from the Miyagi area.’_ The ad read. ‘ _If you need a fake boyfriend/partner/whatever, call XXX-XXXX. Perks: I’m hot, I can sing, I’ve got tons of funny/embarrassing stories to tell, I speak fluent English, and I’m available on short notice. Cons: I can’t cook for shit, I’m considered ‘creepy’ in some circles(including my own), I kick in my sleep, I can’t dance, and I accidentally slip into English sometimes when I'm not paying attention. Available every day this month except Sundays.’_

 

“What the fuck is this?!” Eita asked again, staring incredulously at his computer. There was a picture attached, of a sleepy-looking man with slightly upturned lips, wild, spiky red hair and matching sunset-red eyes. He could certainly see why people would find him creepy… but he could also see why someone would consider him ‘hot’.

 

“Hmm? S’up with you, Semi?” His roommate, Shirabu, asked, leaning in to look at the screen.

 

“I was looking for some new shoes, and found this weird-ass ad on eBay.” He scrunched up his nose.

 

“Can you even _put_ ads on eBay?”

 

“No clue. I don’t think so…”

 

“Don’t you need a date for Ushijima-san’s wedding?” He asked after reading through the ad. “You should call the guy.”

 

“He’s kind of creepy though, don’t you think?”

 

“I guess, his eyes are kind of unsettling…” The brunet scowled. “I mean, who has _red eyes_? Y’think they're contacts?”

 

“You have grey eyes.” He retorted.

 

“Eat shit.”

 

“Brat.”

 

“I still say you call him, though. I mean, he said he was available on short notice, right? And two weeks isn’t even that short.”

 

“Mm, true…” He hummed, tapping his chin as he weighed the options. He didn’t know if the man was legit, and they would have to meet up to plan all of it… but, he also said he was available every day except Sunday, and the wedding was on a Saturday. 

 

“What if he’s a serial killer?”

 

“Than hide your Captain Crunch.” Shirabu joked dryly.

 

Eita groaned in response. “Why am I friends with you?”

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

He arrived at the mall, where they had agreed to meet up, then head back to Eita’s apartment to work out some of the details. Tons of thoughts suddenly flooded his brain. What if he really _was_ a serial killer? What if he had been _lying_ about being an actor? What if-

 

“Uh, are you Semi Eita?” A voice interrupted his thoughts, a finger tapping his shoulder.

 

“Yeah, that’s me- holy shit.” He muttered, wide eyed. The picture had _not_ done him justice. He looked to be about 6”2, 4 inches taller than himself. Tendou’s hair was red like fire, and his eyes, which he had previously considered to be creepy, were absolutely _gorgeous_ . He had black ear gauges, a simple eyebrow bar, and appeared to be wearing eyeliner(?). Even dressed in a simple purple hoodie with two red eyes and a grinning mouth on it( _a Gengar,_ he recalled vaguely) and jeans, he was stunning. He certainly hadn’t lied about being hot…

 

“Cool! I’m Tendou Satori.” He greeted cheerfully in response, oblivious to Eita’s current state of fluster.

 

“I know, it was on the ad.”

 

“Oh, right.” He chuckled. “So, uh, why do you need a fake boyfriend, exactly?”

 

“See, I'm going to a friend's wedding on the 13th of August, and I'd be kind of embarrassed to go without a date, y'know?” He told him nervously.

 

“Yeah, I get that.” Tendou said. “Wait, it's the 1st… you could've called and done this at a later date, y’know. Why so early?” He cocked an eyebrow.

 

“Oh, I just thought it might be easier for both of us if we got to know each other a bit before we pretended to date.” Eita admitted.

 

“Oh, I-I appreciate that, thanks… ” He smiled sheepishly, and all Eita could think was _holy shit this guy is way too hot for his own good_.

 

“Er, y-yeah… No problem.”

 

“So, let's start simple.” The sheepishness was gone, replaced by a mischievous glint in Tendou’s eye that made him tense up. “What kind of guys are you into? Tsundere? Sweet and loving? Protective? _Possessive_?” He whispered the last word in an evil voice, smirking deviously.

 

“Uh, sweet and loving, I guess?” He murmured.

 

He hummed. “Yeah, okay. Little boring, but it's your decision.” He shrugged.

 

“ _Boring_? What do you mean?”

 

“I mean, acting is way more fun when you're playing someone you're _not_ , right? And I'm _not_ a possessive person.” Eita just nodded weakly, not really understanding. “But, it's totally your call. Sweet and loving it is.”

 

“Oh, okay… So, are you a professional actor, or do you just do it for fun?”

 

“Professional.” Tendou smiled. “I work at the Nekoma Film Company, but it doesn't pay as much as I'd like, so I needed some more money to pay my rent.”

 

“Oh, I've seen a few of their plays.” He nodded. “I don't think you were in any of them, though.”

 

“What about you? What do you do for a living?”

 

“I'm a doctor.” He smiled. “Kinda boring, I know, but it pays the bills.”

 

“No, no, that's cool. What kind of doctor are you?”

 

“Pediatric surgeon. So, I cut children open all day for a living.” Eita joked, cracking a grin.

 

Tendou blinked, as if realizing something he didn't before. “Woah…”

 

“Uh, is something wrong?” He asked nervously. _God, why is he so nervous?_

 

“Oh, nothing.” His smile was quickly put back in place, and he sat up straight in his chair. “So, who's getting married?”

 

“My friend Wakatoshi. You might've heard of him, he's a really famous volleyball player.”

 

“ _Ushijima_ Wakatoshi?” He asked incredulously. Semi nodded. “Holy shit, we played volleyball in high school together! He went pro?!”

 

“Yeah, he did.” A fond smile was now blooming on his face.

 

“How do you know Wakatoshi-kun?”

 

“Oh, we met at a bar.” He replied. “Which, coincidentally, is also where he met his soon-to-be-husband, Tooru. They're actually getting married on Wakatoshi's birthday.”

 

“Oh yeah, that's his birthday!" Tendou nodded with a grin. "That's so cool." 

 

“Yeah. So, I’m gonna go buy some fries, and we can head back to my place, that cool?” The grey haired boy asked.

 

“Sure thing.”

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“So, this is Shirabu, my roommate. Shirabu, meet Tendou.” Semi explained upon entering the apartment.

 

“Hey, nice to meetcha!” Satori grinned, extending his hand in Shirabu’s direction. “Tendou Satori.”

 

“Shirabu Kenjirou.” He responded coldly, shaking his hand.

 

“Shirabu already knows about the whole ‘fake boyfriend’ thing.” He explained. “He was there when I found the ad you put up.”

 

“Oh, okay.” He nodded.

 

“So, wanna discuss our ‘story’ or whatever?” Satori cocked an eyebrow, upon being lead to the living room.

 

“Sure.” The pediatrician shrugged. “Uh, start simple, I guess? Who asked who out?”

 

“Well, you don't really seem like the type to ask someone out,” He spoke his thoughts aloud, “and if you did, it'd be something discrete, like a letter, saying ‘ _Will you go out with me? Check “yes” or “no_ ”.”

 

Semi stared at his companion in awe and slight horror. “That's exactly what I did to ask out my 8th grade crush! What the fuck, how'd you know about that?!”

 

“I didn't. See, at my work place, people call me the ‘Guess Monster’, ‘cause of my ‘scarily accurate’,” He did air quotes around the words ‘scarily accurate’, “guessing ability. I _guess_ you could call it a gift.”

 

“Wow.” He said simply. “Just… wow.”

 

“Most people find it creepy.” He hummed, before cocking a grin. “Anyway, next question! What’s your job like? Which I _totally_ didn’t forget, by the way. Definitely not.”

 

Semi laughed almost fondly. “Pediatric surgeon. And it’s pretty good! Pays well, plus, meeting little kids and stuff is always nice.”

 

“Aww, how sweet.~” He cooed.

 

“What's being an actor like?”

 

“Pretty fun, honestly. Like I said earlier, it's fun be someone you're not for awhile, right?”

 

“I see.” Semi hummed. “What kind of roles do you usually play, or is it kinda diverse, or whatever?”

 

“I usually play the creepy villain.” Satori grinned. “ _Way_ more fun than the goody two shoes hero.”

 

“I… can see that.”

 

“Are you _surprised_ , Eita-kun…?” He smirked, amused.

 

“E-Eita-kun?!” He spat, recoiling as if he was slapped.

 

“Yeah! I figured that, since we're gonna be pretending to date for awhile, we should get used to calling each other by our first name.” He smiled. “So, you can call me Satori.”

 

“Yeah, okay…” He blinked. “So, you asked me out. How long have we been together?”

 

“2 months? Does that sound relatively realistic?”

 

“Yeah, that sounds okay.” He hummed. “Do we really need to work out meticulous details, or can we just make them up as we go along? I'm pretty good at that.”

 

“Nah, we can just make ‘em up.” Satori waved a hand in the air. “Y’know, if you wanna go grab a bite to eat or something, I know _this really good fish & chips place down about 20 minutes from here- _”

 

“What.”

 

Satori blinked. “Was I mumbling…? I do that a lot.”

 

“That, _and_ you were speaking English.” Semi looked at him with a thin-pulled smile. “I don't speak a _word_ of English.”

 

“Oh my god, I'm so sorry! God, it's so embarrassing when I do that…” He quickly apologized, running a hand down his face. “I said that there was this really good fish & chips place about 20 minutes from here, if you wanna go get something to eat.”

 

“It's fine, Satori, don't worry about it.” Semi laughed, and it made him somewhat regret suggesting they call each by their first names because _holy shit it sounds sexy coming out of his mouth_. “Honestly, if it helps, my first language is French, and I'm fluent in Italian and Spanish as well, so I sometimes slip into those when I'm deep in thought. Oh, and sometimes, I'll wake up and my thoughts and stuff will be French, and Shirabu will stare at me like I grew a second head.”

 

“Damn, how the fuck’d you end up learning _4 different languages_ by age 27?!” Satori gaped.

 

“Well, my mom is from France, which is where I was born and raised, and ended up learning French as a result. My dad is Japanese, so he taught me that, and I learned Spanish in high school. Oh, and we ended up living in Italy for a few years when I was 12, so yeah.”

 

“Well, colour me impressed, Eita-kun!” He clapped. “Say something!”

 

“In what language?”

 

“Italian! It's like the sexiest language ever.”

 

“I mean, personally, I think Spanish is _way_ sexier, but to each his own.” He took a deep breath. “ _This is me speaking Italian and I have no idea what to say_.”

 

“Woah! That's so cool!” He grinned, pointedly ignoring the way his cheeks heated up. “Wish I could speak Italian.” He punctuated his sentence with a loud laugh.

 

“Well, English is _way_ more useful for travelling and stuff, in my opinion.” Semi shrugged. “So, I spoke some Italian, would you mind speaking a bit of English? I just really like the sound of it, heh.”

 

“Oh, sure thing!” He thought about what to say for a moment, before settling on, “ _Your roommate is a piece of shit._ ”

 

“Awesome.”

 

“ _Rude_!”

 

“Oh yeah, I forgot to mention.” Semi cringed. “Shirabu speaks English.”

 

Satori’s eyes widened. “Fuck. I called him a piece of shit!”

 

“Well, you're not wrong…”

 

“ _Hey_!”

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

It was the day of the wedding. Not theirs, but Ushijima Wakatoshi and Oikawa Tooru’s, who would soon become Ushijima Tooru.

 

Eita and Tendou had prepared for this day. They were going to go in there, act like a couple, and walk out as friends. And of course, act like it never happened.

 

They had exchanged phone numbers yesterday, so that they could keep in touch after this whole ordeal was through, as they had actually become very good friends and would hate to suddenly stop talking to each other.

 

“Hey, Satori, are you ready?” Eita asked over the phone. “We have to be there in, like, 30 minutes, and it's a 20 minute drive, plus a 5 minute drive to your house to pick you up.”

 

“ _Yeah, I'm ready_ .” He replied. “ _Where's the wedding being held, anyway?_ ”

 

“It’s an outdoor wedding, by that old church in the middle of town. It'll be pretty packed, so be prepared.”

 

“ _Will do. See ya soon, Semisemi.~”_ And with that, he hung up, and Eita was, once again, left flustered by the nickname Tendou had given him just the other day. He tried to play it off like he hated it, but it was the other around. He loved it.

 

He glared at his closet. “Shirabu, help me!” He called into the living room. “I've got no sense of style whatsoever!”

 

“Got that right.” Shirabu snorted, sat on the couch reading a book. Upon seeing his roommate’s harsh glare, he sighed and said, “Wear the pink dress shirt with your black slacks. They look good on you.”

 

“Thanks.” He picked up the pale pink shirt, along with the pants, and quickly got dressed.

 

“No problem. But you owe me.”

 

“Whatever. I'm out!” He all but slammed the door behind him.

 

‘ _I'm outside’_ He sent Tendou a text once he reached his house. ‘ _U better be ready_ ’

 

_Satori: BE RIGHT OUT :P_

 

(Something Eita had discovered recently about Tendou was that he _only_ typed in all caps. He still won't explain why.)

 

True to his word, Tendou came out just as he received the text, doning a maroon dress shirt, a black vest, and black slacks. He had his hair down, too, which was giving Eita heart palpatations that were _entirely_ too fast. Overall, he looked amazing, and Eita should _really_ stop staring or Tendou will notice.

 

“Lookin’ good there, Eita-kun.” He grinned, giving him a quick, experimental kiss on the cheek.

 

“You too.” He blinked, _really_ not prepared for that. “Let's go, then.”

 

Arriving at the wedding, they took a seat right near the front. Tooru’s best man, Iwaizumi Hajime, was a nice guy overall, from what Eita had seen and heard from Tooru.

 

Wakatoshi’s best man was Oohira Reon, someone Eita got along extremely well with, and was actually one of Eita’s best friends.

 

Wakatoshi had originally asked Eita to be his best man, and he had wanted to, but when he heard that the best man had to give a _speech_ , he was out. Speeches were something he could not handle, even when he was a little kid, which Wakatoshi understood.

 

The wedding was sweet. They said their vows, with Tooru saying that even though he had thought that the night they met at that bar was a one-night-stand, he was glad it hadn't been. Wakatoshi, on the other hand, had more ‘traditional’ vows, things like ‘I promise to always value you’ and ‘I vow to keep you safe from harm’, though he also said something along the lines of, ‘I will spike every single one of your tosses, without fail, because they are very good tosses that I would hate to waste.’ Tooru choked up at that one.

 

Eita, not being a very emotional person, did not cry, though he did get slightly misty eyed at Wakatoshi’s heartfelt declaration(because crying people make him cry. Yes, he's one of _those_ people). Tendou, on the other hand, bawled like a _baby_ when it came to the vows. It almost made Eita want to record it for blackmail.

 

Instead, however, he kissed him sweetly on the cheek, hoping that was a normal thing to do(hey, he hadn't dated anyone in a while. Don't judge). Tendou’s face turned the colour of his hair.

 

“Do you, Ushijima Wakatoshi, take Oikawa Tooru, to be your loftily wedded husband forever and ever, in sickness and in health, for the rest of time?” The minister, a dark haired guy named Matsukawa, asked, grinning ear-to-ear. He had heard that this Matsukawa guy was Tooru’s friend from high school, and that he had a boyfriend of his own, named Hanamaki, who was also attending the wedding.

 

“I do.”

 

“And, do you, Oikawa Hanger Tooru,” Most of the people attending either groaned or snickered, including Tooru himself, it must've been some sort of inside joke, “take Ushijima Wakatoshi to be your loftily wedded husband forever and ever, in sickness and in health, for the rest of time?”

 

“I do!”

 

“You may now kiss the groom.~”

 

(Eita thought he saw a short haired brunette mutter, “Kiss kiss, fall in love~,” but he probably just imagined it.)

 

Afterwards, at the reception, he spotted a familiar head of bright orange hair. “Hinata?” He called.

 

The head turned around, revealing big brown doe eyes as well. “Semi-san! What are you doing here?” He asked excitedly.

 

“Wakatoshi’s a close friend of mine. What about you?”

 

“Oikawa-san is my volleyball team’s captain!”

 

“Nice.” He belatedly noticed a hand holding onto the redhead’s. “Who's this?”

 

“O-oh, this is Yamaguchi, my boyfriend!”

 

“H-hi.” Yamaguchi said shyly. “Wait, Tendou-san? Is that _you_? Wow, I almost didn't recognize you with your hair down.”

 

“Hey, kid!” Tendou grinned. “Funny seeing you here, huh? Oh, uh, Eita, this is one of my coworkers, Yamaguchi.”

 

“Hey.”

 

“Nice to meet you!” He smiled politely. “So, you never told us you had a boyfriend.” Yamaguchi spoke in a hushed tone this time, meaning he most likely caught on.

 

“Oh, uh, we’re not actually dating.” He admitted quietly. “You know how Tetsu-kun and I made a bet, and whoever lost had to put an ad on eBay for a fake boyfriend?” Yamaguchi nodded. “Well, this is the result of that. Meet Semi Eita.”

 

The brunette’s eyebrows shot up, before an almost devious smile formed on his face. “Oh, so _this_ is the mysterious ‘Semi-san’ you've told us all about!” He exclaimed loudly. “It's really nice to finally meet you!”

 

“U-uh, you too!” Eita sputtered. “I can't act for shit, I'm sorry.”

 

“Don't worry about it.” He whispered. “So, how'd you and Hinata meet, Yamaguchi?”

 

They both laughed. “Well,” Hinata began, “it all started at 3:00 am on a Saturday…”

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“Tendou?” A deep voice asked as Satori and Semi were just about to leave.

 

“Wakatoshi-kun! Hi!” He grinned. “Happy birthday! Long time no see, huh?”

 

“Yes, it's been about 3 years, I believe. And thank you.” A ghost of a smile appeared on the newlywed’s face, and a body suddenly crashed into Satori.

 

“Who are you, and how did you make my fiancé smile?!” Tooru asked, wide-eyed, shaking his shoulders repeatedly.

 

“He's your _husband_ now, idiot.” Iwaizumi sighed from beside him, though there was no bite to his words.

 

“Right! Thanks, Iwa-chan!”

 

“Tooru, please stop shaking my boyfriend.” Semi groaned.

 

“Sorry, Eita-chan…” He muttered, but did not stop shaking him.

 

“Tendou Satori, friend from high school, and Eita-kun’s boyfriend.” He explained quickly. “And, honestly, I have no idea. It just kinda happens sometimes.”

 

“Okay…” Tooru pouted.

 

“So, Tendou. What have you been doing recently?”

 

“Oh, you know how I always wanted to join theatre in high school, but I couldn't because I was already in volleyball?” Wakatoshi nodded. “Well, I finally did! I went to theatre school, and now I'm an actor with the Nekoma Film Company! Cool, right?”

 

“Yes, very much so.” Wakatoshi agreed, that tiny ghost of a smile still present on his face.

 

“Hey, I think I've heard of them!” Iwaizumi grinned. “You guys did _Love Letters_ , right? I saw it with my niece. Really good.”

 

“Awe, thanks!” He laughed.

 

“So, how did you two meet?” Wakatoshi asked.

 

“Oh, uh…” Satori gave him a look of slight panic.

 

“W-we met at a club!” Semi quickly told them. “S-see, we were… dancing? A-and we just ended up meeting…? …Long story.”

 

Oikawa nodded, clearly not believing his story, before smiling a devious little grin. “We've got time. Tell us, how, _exactly_ , did you meet?”

 

Wakatoshi, bless his soul, looked at his husband skeptically. “They don't have to tell us. You've said it yourself, what happens in a club, stays in a club. That rule should apply to everyone.”

 

“Oh, fine!” He rolled his eyes, and the faux-couple let out a sigh of relief. “But you _better_ tell me some other time, okay?”

 

“Will do.” He nodded. “Anyway, w-we should get going! It's getting late.”

 

“Okay.” Wakatoshi nodded solemnly. “See you soon, Semi. Hopefully you as well, Tendou.”

 

“Definitely.” Satori grinned. “See you later, Wakatoshi! Have a nice birthday!”

 

“That was nerve racking.” Semi sighed upon getting into his car. “We were almost caught there!”

 

“Yeah, I know.” He groaned in response. “Also, really? A _club_ ? I don't even _go_ to clubs!”

 

“I panicked! And I had no way of knowing that, _thank you very much_.”

 

“Whatever.” He rolled his eyes, before glancing at his companion. And, boy, did he regret doing so. The sunset was filtering through the window of the car, basking Semi in an almost golden light. He already long eyelashes seemed even longer, and his brown eyes sparkled in the reflection of the sun as he stared out the front windshield. He looked like an _angel_.

 

“Satori? Are you okay, you're staring.” Semi asked, waving a hand in front of his face.

 

And then, he just couldn't help it. He practically tackled him into a kiss.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The kiss felt different than all the other ones they had shared that day.

 

While Tendou’s kisses had felt hesitant and careful earlier, now, the kiss was passionate and rough, leaving him breathless.

 

Suddenly, Tendou jumped back, a bright red blush painting his cheeks. “I am _so sorry_ , Eita-kun! I swear to god, I didn't mean to- I-I wasn't thinking- I'm sorry.”

 

Eita couldn't control it, he just burst into loud, boisterous laughter.

 

The redhead scowled. “What's so funny?”

 

“N-nothing, I just…! I was going t-to do it myself, but, t-then, you did it, and…!” He finally calmed down, breaths coming in heavy pants. “Wow. We're pathetic, aren't we?”

 

“Sure are.” He was interrupted by the sound of Eita’s phone vibrating, signalling a text.

 

_Tooru: if u ever need a REAL bf, Iwa-chan is single and wud probs be happy to date u ;3c_

 

He stared at his phone in absolute horror. “Fuck. He totally caught us. How do you respond to something like this?”

 

“Let me.” The actor responded smoothly, snatching the phone before Eita could stop him, and typing out a response.

 

_Nah, I'm good_

 

_Satori IS my REAL bf ;)_

 

**Bonus:**

 

“Wow, you _really_ found me with my hair down _that_ attractive? I'm flattered, Eita-kun.~”

 

“Yes, now shut up about it.”

 

“Maybe I should wear my hair down more often, since you _like_ it so much.”

 

“I said _shut up_ about it!”

  
_Fin._

**Author's Note:**

> Semi never ended up getting those new shoes (but thats okay. Tendou got him some for his birthday)
> 
> Please kudos and review! Until next time <3 
> 
> Next up: BokuAkaKuroTsuki


End file.
